As I grew up and worked in Japan, I began to realize something: it’s often easier for Japanese men to be happy than it is for Japanese women here.
Women’s appearances are constantly judged — especially by men. If you gain even a little weight, someone might say, “Did you get fat?” And it’s not just about looks. Women are expected to be nice, kind, and submissive. There’s always this invisible pressure to fit a mold.
On June 12, 2025, Japan ranked 118th in the Global Gender Gap Report issued by the World Economic Forum — the lowest among G7 countries. The report compared 148 countries in terms of gender equality.
When I was a teenager about 15 years ago, girls’ magazines were full of tips on how to become attractive to boys — not just in appearance, but also in personality. I’m pretty sure they still are. In the last 10 years, though, things have started to shift. Women are beginning to express themselves more freely, speak their minds, and live on their own terms.
“Pocchari” (chubby) girls and women have started gaining popularity — not necessarily among men, but among other women. Watanabe Naomi, my favorite, is a great example. She’s confident, funny, stylish, and loud — in a good way. So yes, there is positive change. But that pressure still exists.
1. Looking Good… or Else?
Japan proudly boasts one of the lowest obesity rates in the world — around 3%, compared to 36.2% in the US. You’ll find diet foods everywhere, helping women stay thin. Japanese models and influencers are often very skinny — some even look extremely thin — yet they’re praised as the ideal of beauty.
Weight-loss ads, double-eyelid surgery promotions (even for high school students!), and other appearance-focused marketing are everywhere. When I was in high school, my boyfriend wasn’t happy if I gained even a little weight — even though I was far from fat. He wanted me to be skinny, have long hair, and be a “trophy girlfriend” he could show off.
Even when I started working, I felt pressure to look good all the time. Makeup, clothes, attitude — everything had to be perfect. I was told, “Wearing makeup is basic etiquette for working women.” Really? How about men?? Makeup is expensive and takes time. Most women in Japan get up earlier just to put on their face before work. Why is that “basic”?
2. Protecting Ourselves From Men
I’ve noticed that many Japanese women tend to wear loose, long clothes that cover their skin. Why is that? Is it because many women don’t feel confident about their appearance? Or is it cultural — like how kimonos traditionally cover the body, and showing skin is seen as Western?
Maybe it’s a mix of all those things. But one of the reason is safety.
You might have heard of chikan — sexual harassment, especially groping on public transportation. Many women in Japan have experienced this. Usually, quiet or small-looking women are targeted. It’s such a serious problem that iPhones in Japan have shutter sounds you can’t turn off, to prevent people from secretly taking photos.
Many Japanese women wear long clothes even during hot summers to avoid attention. Some do it to prevent tanning — white skin is still considered beautiful in many parts of Asia — but also because showing skin makes them a target.
I remember dating someone who didn’t let me wear short skirts. He said he didn’t want other men to see my skin. He knew how men looked at women, and he was possessive. At first, I said no. But he kept pressuring me. I was young and naive, and I gave in.
3. Work, Children, and the Never-Ending Housework
Until about 30 years ago, it was common for Japanese women to quit their jobs once they got married and become housewives. Men earned enough to support the whole family, and women took care of the home and children. So, many men never learned to share the responsibilities at home.
In my family, for example (I’m in my 30s, by the way), my father earned enough, so my mother has been a housewife her whole life. He didn’t spend much time with us — he was always working. My mother had to do everything for me and my brother.
But times have changed. Japan’s economy hasn’t been great for over 30years, and now many men can’t afford to support a family on one income. I remember my friends’ mothers starting part-time jobs when I was a student. Now, it’s common for women to work full-time even after having children.
But still — many men haven’t caught up. They’re stuck in the old mindset. Women are now expected to work and take care of the house and raise children.
According to Japan’s Statistics Bureau, wives spend 5.9 times more time on housework and 3.6 times more on childcare than their husbands. That’s exhausting.
https://www.stat.go.jp/data/shakai/2021/pdf/gaiyoua.pdf
No wonder some women in Japan think it’s better to stay single.
Conclusion
I’ve been living in the UK for about five years now, and I feel much less pressure as a woman here. Sure, I still get frustrated with my English husband when he’s not assertive enough about childcare, but compared to the average Japanese father, he’s a great dad.
This topic feels personal and important to me. I might write more about it soon.
This is one of the reasons I’m happy I left Japan. I’ve written more about why leaving Japan made me feel happier — feel free to check it out. →Read